Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.
Tag Archives: Mental health
Okay, so every year I experience seasonal affective disorder.
I know this. I try to plan with exercise and getting outside and things.
I failed this year.
My dear sweet little boy, I call him Sunshine Boy, hates going outside when it’s mildly cold. He HATES, loathes with a passion, wearing hats and mitts. Within minutes of being outside they are on the ground and he’s screaming “my hat fell off, my mitts fell off” and I run over and put them back on again and again until I lose all patience and
start screaming back to the get into the house. (okay this only happened once). Then I calmly take him back into the house.
I also used to walk Princess Girl to school. But since I’m watching twins in her grade, they all walk together and I don’t have to wrestle Sunshine into clothing and listen to him whine.
Added to that it’s been -15 to -36 C with windchill. (That’s 0 F to -32 F), we haven’t gotten outside nearly enough.
So what about exercise?
yeah I”m a slacker. Sunshine is a toddler. He is a demanding toddler. When my daughter, my sweet easy going daughter was a toddler, we struggled as parents. It’s much harder now.
So, I have things happening in my head that won’t happen on paper or on the computer until sometime in the new year after I get a handle on this.
The plan for dealing with SAD (and currently PMS backache and cramps) is daily exercise. Getting outside at couple times a week, if only for 10 minutes. Just a quick walk. Strap Sunshine boy on my back if I need to. Morning pages, if I start sleeping earlier at night. I’ll try to stick some free writing in during the day.
If I don’t take care of myself, there will be no Mom to take care of anyone else. I know this. I KNOW THIS. I once again thought that it wouldn’t happen. Sunrise is 8:30 AM and sunset is like 3:30 PM. Seriously we had to turn lights on today at 3:30, the kids weren’t even home from school.
I’m looking into SAD light therapy. They are pretty expensive. 10,000 lux, which is what is recommended, 10,000 lux for a half hour is more feasible than 2,500 lux for 2 hours. If we weren’t in the middle of paying for Sunshine Boy’s teeth removal, might be different. This will be a must have for next year.
Also my DH isn’t working a lot of hours with his new company, so that will entail another company switch soon, likely back to the first trucking company he worked for. But anyway I don’t want to stress him out by saying I need to spend $200, when if I just went outside for 15 minutes I’d get the same result. Again, going to try backpacking Sunshine and see how it all goes.
Also did I mention the Princess brought home lice. Again. Holy fucking hell. We don’t get lice very often in this house, but when we do, my sister in law is over and we share between us. (sometimes she gives it to us or we give it to her).
When I was fifteen my parents split up. Finally.
That September, my dad took my brother and I to one of those crash em amateur car races. It was a cold day, and the cold got into my bones and made my knees and elbows ache.
The pain didn’t subside for ten years.
They tested me for arthritis. I exercised, I relaxed, I did heat, I did cold. Yoga helped a great deal, but only for a few hours. I only took pain killers on really bad days.
So how did I get rid of the pain?
Self-forgiveness and self-acceptance.
*takes a deep breath*
I used to self-harm. I didn’t know how to deal with stress or negative emotions. I didn’t fit in at my high school. I didn’t like myself.
I had to forgive myself for a lot of injury I did to myself. I had to accept that I had done the best I could. I had to learn how to deal with my emotions (this is a work in progress).
I decided today I want to make some art work for the wall that says “This life is a work in progress.” Because I feel like I am just reaching my grown up stage. At age 30, it’s all coming together for me.
What age did you feel like you’d become a grown up? What parts of your life feel like a work in progress?