Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.
Tag Archives: goal setting
And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
‘Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big
— Ryan Shupe `Dream Big`
A lot of people are afraid to dream BIG. It is kinda scary.
But would you rather get a part of your dream or would you rather wonder if you might have made it?
I once heard Michael Neil say on his radio show that people who go for what they want get more than those who strive for what they think they can get.
The Creative Penn posted a quote from Julia Cameron:
A great deal of the time we dismiss our longings on the grounds that they aren’t reasonable – and often they aren’t. Where did we get the idea that life was intended to be reasonable? … We have very little evidence that sensible and frugal are actually qualities cherished by the Great Creator … Most of us have a dream that we could set sail if only we dared … Rather than act on these dreams, we often shoo them from our consciousness, saying ‘I need to be sensible. I would never be able to manage that.’ But perhaps we can manage more than we think.”
I had an oh yeah moment from reading that post.
When I was in high school I wanted to marry Bryan White. He didn`t marry until after I got together with my husband. Coincidence? I think not. Sorry Bryan White, I couldn`t get to Nashville to find you.
My current dreams: pay our bills from my writing, well this has been a dream of mine since forever. I want to pay our bills so my husband can go back to school. I`m working on it.
Travel. Well few people don`t want to travel.
Have rental properties or flip houses. I love construction. I love making and painting and tearing stuff out.
Visit the Bioware offices. I am not that far from Edmonton … just saying. I`ll twitter then and see if they can make it happen. If they want to offer me a job … well who’s to say …
Be a money coach. I love to tell people what to do and I love dealing with budgets and money.
My new dream is have a do it yourself show that i`d like to see on DIY network, where it`s real DIY. And then get famous and have them produce me. That`s my new one, which I tweeted about awhile back.
I kind of have ADD so I jump around from topic to topic, when I get bored. The only thing that really sticks is writing. But you never know what I`ll be up to tomorrow.
Oh and last one. Pay my children`s college education wholly. I think college debt is a huge problem for many many people. So I want to pay for them to do what they want to do, whenever they figure that out. I`m not a fan of going to college right out of high school, it may not be what is best. Nor do they have to go to college, if they want a trade or something else I don’t even know about I will support their dreams.
What are your big dreams?
Bonus video of the song I quoted at the start.
I spent the morning shopping with my mother and sister in law. I stay out of shops, because in an effort to reach our long term goals we are on a strict budget. Meanwhile, my sister in law places no such limitations on herself. I try not to shop with her because I always spend more than I planned. It was difficult to walk out with nothing. I have money in the bank I could drop on things we don’t really need, but that I want.
“The more we have the more we want.” from Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely,
Why is some people are happy with their lot in life? While other people, people we consider much more “well-off” than us are so unhappy?
Life is often a decision making ordeal. We have to decide which soap is better, which entree is better, which route to take.
We are wired to compare. We are really good at comparing ourselves. We compare ourselves to our peers. We compare ourselves to our siblings. We compare ourselves to our parents. And we want to come out on top.
Ariely has a little story about family practice doctors who compare themselves to surgical or Wall-Street consulting “peers”, who make considerably more money then the family practitioners. Or the wife who compares her husband’s salary to her sister’s husband’s salary. You know someone is going home from that unhappy.
It is why we love to watch rich people who have severely dysfunctional lives. We can look at them and say “They have money, but at least my family enjoys my company and my children will grow up knowing the value of a dollar.”
How do we stop from comparing to others and making ourselves unhappy in the process?
Decide what is important in your life.
Sure buying the salamander wall art I saw would really great on my wall. But it really isn’t going to further my other life goals. In a few weeks, I would barely notice it any longer on my wall.
Change who you are comparing with
Sure those doctors arent’ making as much as their doctor peers. But they are making more money then the rest of us.
Change the point of comparison
All choices are trade offs. A woman compares her husband’s salary to another’s, and finds he could be making a lot more money. Except his work hours would increase from 40 to 55 per week. Is the extra money that important that she’d give up 15 hours per week with her husband? Maybe not.
Let go of comparing all together
All choices have trade offs. For instance, if you are comparing your child to a friend’s child of a different age, you are going to find a differences, and places where your child just isn’t at the same level. Does it matter? Your child can’t draw as well or didn’t get the lead in the school play, but she excels at the piano and she is reading above her grade level. And they are both happy children who have parents that love them. Which is the most important part of a child’s life?
Being mindful and grateful for what you do have puts great perspective on your life.
1) Write 750 words 5 days a week.
I have written in some form everyday, but a few days it was work on How to Think Sideways course by Holly Lisle, which is totally awesome. I’m loving it.
Had to abandon my WIP, the one referenced in my Lucky 7 meme. I made it a special world, but then did no world building, so I have to fix that somehow, I really love the characters and plot. A shiny new idea came to mind.
But again, not tracking word count. Blah.
2) blogging at least twice a week, not including Row updates and my interspiration link mashups for Saturdays.
my monday serious post and Friday Fun are working. I don’t have a backlog built up yet, but I’ll get to that. I’ve been reading too much about niche and panicking about whether or not I need a niche.
3) go for a walk once a week and go to the park with child(ren??) once a week.
went to the park last night with sunshine boy and sunshine girl was at Karate
4) get the yard cleaned up. nuff said, the paining done.
It snowed on the weekend so cleaning the yard was put off.
Funny story with the painting. We did the floors in the living room sometime ago and on Sunday, while sunshine boy named, the girl and I decided to paint. I told her if she got paint on the floor I’d be ticked. She painted a while, we wiped up numerous splatters and found that it was easy. She got tired and quit and I was nearly finished and I ran out of paint. She went and grabbed the paint bucket and all of a sudden I heard “I didn’t mean to.” (DUH!) I turn and she’s on her hands and knees and half the leftover paint is in a pool on the floor and she’s crying.
Poor kid, she’s 9. I scooped up what I could, we used all the rags in the house scooping the rest. And I laughed hysterically. It was either that or cry.
5) Connect with others by using the @USERNAME when I tweet links to people’s blogs.
I tweeted a whole bunch yesterday, but last night and this morning, I haven’t checked my RSS feeds so maybe later today. I schedule my tweets for afternoon to early evening. Getting good responses from people I’ve tweeted links for, and I’m finding that I’m following a lot people’s blogs whom I’m not following on Twitter, so that is getting fixed up.
My first Row80 check in. Goals have not been on the top of my mind this week.
Goal #1 750 words, 5 days a week. I wrote 7 days this week, no idea on my word count as I forgot to keep track. It’s not a habit of mine, as long as I write I’m generally happy.
Goal #2 blog twice a week. Going well, been doing random life posts on Mondays and Fun on Fridays and the occasional writerly thing scheduled for the middle of the week.
Goal #3 Go to the park and for a walk. Went to the park on Thursday with Boy, while Girl was at Karate, even though it was freezing with wind.
Goal #4. yard clean up in progress. Our new place has an enormous amount of trees and thus a great big deal of leaves. We did 6 bags of leaves in the fall before the snow fell, the rest got shoved in a pile, we did 13 this spring and I have probably 3-5 more to do. Although some are going in my new compost bin, as soon as there is time to build that. And y’know lack of wind. (Okay there is never lack of wind, it’s the prairies).
Goal #5. Retweet by using mentions. I think more than half my tweet this week were with mentions of users, many people thanked me. I read this post. I read this post yesterday, titled The Twitter Thanking Crisis. Basically a lot of people tweet messages that seem like thank-yous, but are actually self-promotion. Some good tips and some ranting in the post. Any thoughts on the topic? Do you engage in some of the activities she writes about? (I do, but they aren’t the only things I tweet, so I think I’m okay).
Happy Easter. My children got a bit of candy and Just Dance 3, which the boy is less than thrilled about; he loves the first one, but this one has songs he’s unfamiliar at this moment, a month from now will be a different story. I will say it’s way more complicated than the first one, they don’t always show you the next move, relying on you to remember.
I have missed the last two to four checkins because i’ve been WRITING. I am in love with my characters, the plot, everything. i am especially loving just writing. If I get stuck, i just ask “How could I make this situation worse?” and keep going. i’m getting at least a thousand words per day in the hour or so between the kids bedtime and mine. So I’m pretty excited.
My goals were to edit my hockey novels. i had beta readers read them with some mixed comments and then I wasn’t sure if I should scrap the story or what. I decided I like the story as is. A few minor changes, a read aloud through and then edit for typos as best i can and a cover. It shall be released mid-March as planned.
Blog goals. I’ve floundered this week. Pinterest has me so excited to do house projects during the day and then i’m trying to sty on my routines so daytime i haven’t been blogging much. Then evening rolls around and i want to write, so little blogging. And my stats are reflecting that. I’ve also realized I am not writhing from my heart. I want to do that more, but it is a work in progress. I am working on it.
Personal goals: I stopped working out. It made my son whiny and that was making me grumpy. So I’m changing the 4 day to 3 day a week work outs. my son will suck it up, but i will also keep workouts under 30 minutes. My body is so stiff and sore today, every joint hurts, which I thought I’d gotten past (for about 4 years from 16-20, my body ached all the time. And then I did some inner healing and it disappeared).
I updated my 50/50 list. Its difficult for me to do the movies. My husband watches a movie a day, usually the same 6 repeatedly and randomly, but he also watches movies on TV when he’s home and I catch 45 minutes here or there because the children are pulling me or housework has to get done in another room (we used to have this lovely open kitchen/dining room/living room flow now the living room is cut-off), so I don’t catch a whole movie very often. i’ll get there, i’m not as behind as I thought. I’ve also been struggling with reading because I have borrowed a few books I had no interest in finishing Age of Miracles by Marianne Williamson turned out to be for women in midlife, Defy Gravity by Caroline Myss turned out to be about healing experiences and a bit dry.
Can i count fan fiction in my book if it’s book length? I can’t help myself when it comes Alternate Universe Dragon Age where The female Warden romances Bann Teagen. That is so not the best picture of him, but it’s the best I could find.
When we put off unpleasant tasks, we often try a number of ways to motivate ourselves to get the task done.
One of the most common ones is negative self-talk. We tell ourselves we are bad for not doing it. We shame ourselves, we should be doing this. Maybe it comes from the idea of conditional love, that we are not good people if we don`t get this task done.
One of the worst verbs is “should”. As my daughter would say, “it’s evil”
When you should yourself, does it make you get up and do the task you`ve been dreading?
Probably you want to do it even less.
What if you talked to yourself a different way?
First off, do you really need to do the task yourself? Can you delegate it someone else?
If the answers are the task needs to be done by you, start thinking of ways to make the task enjoyable. Whether you give yourself a reward afterward, put on some music while you do the task or involve someone else.
Still having trouble getting up and getting that task done?
Estimate how long the task will take. If it will take a couple hours break it down into 15-30 minute chunks and set a timer. For most tasks I find myself putting off, such as stacking the dishwasher, it only takes about 10 minutes maximum to get it done. Get up and just do it. Sometimes, that`s all you need.
Writing goals: down the tube. None of the ideas I’ve come up with have turned out plottable. I can’t find character motivation, I can’t find turning points or plots that make things worse. I’m at a dead end. I didn’t want to admit to having writer’s block, but I think it is.
My plan for this: freewriting (like morning pages, but not in the morning because I am not a morning person and if I do get out of bed for something like this, my son would be awake 2 minutes later), following my other creative interests, such as home decor, sewing and crocheting and to carry on blogging.
I also want to start meditating (more on this next Monday) and also maybe a spiritual practice. Been a long time since I did anything spiritual or religious. I long to be a practicing Wiccan again.
Blogging goals: I have tons of ideas for Friday Fun posts. So those are queued up from now until June. (Not quite). My Monday Motivation are more difficult, since I’m trying to be more high concept (reaching more people then just writers).
Exercise: I’ve fallen off the wagon. Monkey Boy is so whiny it’s hard to get 40 minutes where he isn’t demanding my attention the entire time. I am a bit bored of EA interactive, so i need a change anyway. Maybe I’ll go back to the exercise videos. I love me some exercise videos. The music and dancing should keep him entertained long enough to raise my heart rate and break a sweat.
Danielle La Porte’s burning question for this week is: What is the purpose for your money?
And mine is ….
More fully: to support my lifestyle so I can create more. More everything. More love, more crafts, more words, more fun, more learning, more time.
Somewhere late last year, I found a blog that asked you to set a goal for the amount of money you would make, but also to allocate that to various areas of your life or to have a plan for your money.
other bills and life=27%
personal husband and I=4%
The housing and bills are based on my estimates of our costs. For the past 8 years we have managed to keep our housing costs far below the 30% of our income. By looking at this our vehicles would cost far more (if we paid for them outright, these numbers are based on my ideal income, not present income), but the vehicles are total cost, whereas the housing is only a one year payment schedule, not the whole thing. Plus we also plan to spend a bunch of money doing some fixing up.
What is the purpose of your money? How did your week go?
I am a big fan of the blog I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi. I haven’t read his book yet, it’s on my list. Partly because I’m too busy reading his free subscriber content. This past few weeks it’s been “dream job secrets.”
He’s a big fan of videos, which I don’t usually watch, but his tips are really helpful, so I watch.
I can’t recall which day of the dream job secrets it was, but it a five-minute video on boosting productivity. It promised to help readers with all sorts of things. I expected the usual tips.
I know better than to expect these from Ramit. He wrote an entire post about tactics, or rather how we jump from tactic to tactic without studying if a certain tactic is working and why they work. Ramit loves to study top performers, see what tactics they use and then systematically see if they work for others.
So how can you boost productivity?
Test tactics top performers use and see what can work for you.
Be honest about which tactics will work for you. Working against your nature is counter-productive.
Be clear about what is important to you. Make sure your actions are working toward your goals, not counter-productive.
Okay the check in bits.
Goals: editing. I got good (if frustrating) feedback from my first round betas. So I am working on fixing that. After I get it sent off for a second round, then I shall go back to working on this ambitious idea I have. Or writing smut. Or fan fiction. I haven`t decided what.
Blogging: I was doing well, until my hubby`s days off hit and we had truck running around to do. Will hop back on the horse when he goes back to work. but we do have a shiny orange truck. Hey I see my last two check-in made to draft status but was never posted. Good job me! :P
Exercising: I am getting back on track. And I am trying to get some outside time with my son, but it got cold here and again. And windy, freaking prairies I tell ya!
Housecleaning: it`s kitchen week and since the kitchen isn`t cluttered with stuff I can get rid of, I clean off all the counters once, glare at people as they mess them up and never do much else. I need to make up a list of cleaning stuff to do during this week.
Earlier in the week I stumbled upon (not via stumble upon, just through a blog) Danielle LaPorte`s Burning Questions series and this week was about How do you want to feel?
The best one I read was Ì want paying bills to feel like writing thank-you notes.`I want that too. This blog had some good feelings.
But anyway some of mine.
I want my day to feel like a filled up heart.
I want kissing to feel like melted chocolate.
I want my next success to feel like I touched the heart of the universe.
I want my body to feel like it just had a good stretch, massage and then soak in a hot tub.
I want smiling to feel like biting into a pineapple.
I want my friendships to feel like slipping into a tub of hot water. easy, accessible when I want.
I want my nervous system to feel like nursing a newborn baby.
I want my money-making to feel like playing with puppies and also, wearing your most comfortable pair of jeans.
I want the end of the day to feel like silk pajamas, hot chocolate and a laying on the perfect mattress.
I want my challenges to feel falling in love, a little exciting, a little scary, and I will jump in with both feet.
I want my love to feel like a warm bed.
I want my writing to feel like stretching my body.
I want my ideas to feel like reading tarot cards an unfolding mystery.
I want my house to feel like an open canvas.
I want my life to feel Unwritten.
This week in the life of Asrai: husband got a truck loan, so I get to drive the new truck, because he’s selling the old truck and neither of us feel safe with the kids in the micro-car. It’s a Kia Rio.
I finished Dragon Ages: Origins and become Queen!! of Ferelden. I <3 Alistair. I need to stay away from fan fiction involving Alistair or Bann Teagan. It’s romantic word-crack.
And my son wound up with a chest infection and on antibiotics and now I have a cough. So, I’m whiney. On with the goals.
Edit 5 days a week, 1 hour a day After editing is done, write 250 words 5 days a week or 1250 words per week.
I’m not even tracking the hour anymore. But I am beginning to hate the book I was editing so I decided it was time for beta readers and I’ll go onto the next book. I haven’t looked at it since October.
Get outside 5 days a week.
Since we are all dying, we walk to and from school because it’s super close and it’s super warm this week. (Yeah thanks weather and furnace, couldn’t have gone out THIS week).
Exercise with EA active 4 times per week
I’m several work-outs behind. See above whining for why I’ve fallen behind.
Plan meals (gotta get our budget under control).
All meals planned for this week. Sweet.
Read one book and watch one movie a week as per the fifty-fifty challenge.
Almost done Carly Philips book “Kiss Me If You Can“. Not sure if I’ll do a fiction or non-fiction next. I’m trying to alternate but I’m reading this one and Indie Journey at the same time. I guess it should be a fiction I start next since I started the fiction one first … okay I’m babbling.
Go to bed by 11 PM