Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Category Archives: love

Christmas help?

Okay I need some help. I really don’t want more things for Christmas. So I’m thinking of asking my peeps to give to charity in my name.

Now Plan Canada has specific gifts you can buy. You can buy books for schools, newborn baby care, school supplies all the up to water for an entire village or a primary school. There’s tons of stuff. So I’m leaning toward this strongly. check the website, it’s totally cool. Wish with each gift you could see the family or school or village that received the item that was gifted. But, I know, it costs them money which could go to something else.

The other thing I’m consider is Kiva, or another form of microlending. If you google “problem with microloans” you can find out the downsides to microfunding and if it’s really making a difference.

In terms of making a difference on a large scale, I’m not sure.

What do you think is a better way to give your money away? A targeted donation like Plan Canada, a microloan like Kiva or something entirely different?



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Wanna live longer?

I was playing with my phone a few days ago, it’s an Android HTC, I think, and I was installing apps. I installed the Kijiji app and the Ikea App. And then the TED talks app.

In case you’ve been under a rock, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. According to Wikipedia, TED conferences started in 1984 in California. They’ve grown and are held all over now. The main events are called TED, but any city can host one called a Tedx. And no one is allowed to be paid to speak at a Tedx conference, and all speeches must be allowed to be free streamed on the TED website.

Since 2006, all TED speeches have been available for free on the

Anyway, I was flipping through the TED app and I came across the title “The Game that will can give you 10 extra years of your life” by Jane McGonigal. Since I love anything that says gaming is good, I clicked watched. While I half watched my 10 year old playing a video game and my husband playing a different game on the computer, we listened to to Ms. McGonigal, a game designer, tell us about her experience with games. She suffered a major head trauma and she didn’t heal as we assume concussions normal heal. About 1 in 3 concussion victims end up with suicide ideation.

Instead of just falling into a depression over the pain, or listening to her brain, Jane decided to make her life into a game. She would “collect power-ups” for doing anything that would heal her brain. And in a couple days of playing the game with her sister, her depression started to lift. She started sharing her game with other people on her blog and people started playing their own game and started telling her about their own amazing transformations.

She started calling the game superbetter, which you can play on the website 

My daughter and I both joined. ‘Cause who doesn’t want 10 extra years of life, and some fun. IF anyone has joined in the past or joins after reading this let me know and we can join up and be allies. :)


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Imagining … kisses

I keep imagining …

wearing a garter belt, thigh high stockings

long fingers stroking the soft skin exposed just above the stockings

gentle teasing fingers, touching

soft kisses, long kisses, wet kisses, seeking tongue, nipping teeth, soft lips,

kiss by mikelawrey stock.xchng

gentle murmurs with romance “so beautiful”, “so sexy”, “can’t wait to touch, to taste, to see”

beach vacation, warm sands, hot nights, revealing clothing

of love, of lovers, of first times and next times and every time,

of young love, mature love,

uncontrolled lust and falling, falling, falling for you.

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Get excited about your life

This is the culmination of a few things. First, my latest crush obsession with Eddie Redmayne . Second, trying to figure out my next novel, which I’ve started and crashed about three different times. Third, subsequent daydreaming linked to said crush and writing attempts. Fourth, (I keep adding on) my best friend is in the middle of falling in love. She and her boyfriend as just disgustingly cute about it all!! And last, a post by fellow WANA classmate/friend Kristy K. James, Why Can’t Life be Like a A Love Song?

I was having a lovely daydream the other day about a life different from my own. A life where the mundane things weren’t so mundane, where I was just excited about things and my partner.

And then I started thinking about my husband. I don’t want a new partner. I want him, we have future plans together, which is going to be legendary. But, in the meanwhile, we have to live day to day life and it can get boring and we get entrenched in the exhaustion of two kids, jobs, bills, and the constant threat of clutter taking over our lives. (My husband is perfect for me. I’m keeping him).

But the mundane crap is really a drag.

So it hit me. Why not feel excited about the mundane things? Why not do things for him and be happy I’m making him happy, instead of feeling a bit resentful? Why not be more present with him and with our kids? Why not feel more sexy? Why not put on a bit of an effort for him? Why not feel excited when I see him?

Some people might consider it fake or false to force excitement. You can call it fake it til you make it. I don’t think it is false. After a decade, I can’t expect to feel spontaneous excitement and flooding in my lady bits when he walks in the room like when we were first together. Doesn’t mean it would be false to dwell on it and get excited about him.

A lot of people had the wrong idea about how love should feel. I know I had wrong ideas.

I thought for ages it be as Kristy K James says:

Am I way off base here, or are the feelings expressed in this song the samefeelings that most every adult in the world wants to feel? The newness of love? The uncertainty? The hope? The knowledge that this is the one?

Maybe it’s not the wrong idea of how we should feel, but the idea that we should feel that day in and day out without putting out any effort ourselves.

So, bring up the excitement in your life with what you have. Put out an effort to make the people around you feel the way you want to feel, don’t wait for them to make you happy.


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On a list of things we aren’t supposed to discuss, sex is pretty high up there.

Usually we have the idea that the Puritans were against sex, as were they against sex in the Victorian Ages.

Turns out both cultures were into sex. I’ll link to the article about it, but I found other evidence if you google “Puritans and sex” you can find out yourself. Basically, Victorians liked their porn and Puritans were all for sex between married couples and Jesus. And even then they didn’t stick to the rules. There was a lot of impromptu weddings because someone got knocked up.

A lot of people do have a lot of issues surrounding sex.

For a lot of people, sex is related to power.

Long standing is the “joke” of women withholding sex to get what they want from a man. Men are supposed to want sex all the time and always be thinking about it. Women aren’t supposed to want sex, sometimes even enjoy it.

Abuse and rape is all about power. The abuser has power over the victim. Part of becoming a survivor is reclaiming that stolen power.

I digress.

Sex is also a tender subject between partners. What if your partner thinks you are weird? What if they laugh? What if they reject you? What if your partner wants to fulfill your every fantasy?

Do you have hang-ups around talking about sex? Any reasons why you’d like to disclose?

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The #Row80 Check in that wasn’t

I will be writing in the quiet moments of life the rest of this week, but I hope that much of it will be spent with family.

“The driver was pronounced dead at the scene. The name is being with held pending family notification.”

I’ve read that on many news articles. I’ve never been on the receiving end. I, truthfully, wasn’t this time, but it was my cousin on that page, a sweet strawberry-blonde teen, just starting out, so full of life and joy.

Now, there is a hole where her joy used to be. Where I’d look forward to seeing her at family events. I will still look for her, remember her, but she won’t respond to my please.

She will rest in peace, I believe. But those who knew and loved her will always hurt from the loss.

I know I will always wonder why, even though I know there is no answer coming for my questions.

I wonder what was lost with her. What were her secrets that she never told? What were her experiences with life? With love? What did she long to let someone know? What were her secret dreams?

Everything goes in a circle. I hear the news, I wonder why and I cry. And I wish there were a way to get her back.

Eventually the sadness subsides as I realize there is no why, or no answer to my question. So I get quiet and numb and I distract myself. But the news comes around again from an outer or inner reminder.

I know it won’t always feel so raw. I wish there were more I could do for those who are hurting much more than I am. I wish I could take some of their pain.

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What If Wednesday: Loving Yourself

What if you loved yourself?

What if you took care of yourself like you do everyone else in your life?

What if you met all your needs (and some of your wants) for a day?

What if you let yourself be you and were okay with that?


Tomorrow is my happy birthday. My body will be 30, the age of my mind is up for debate- sometimes full of ancient wisdom, sometimes a forgetful lady and sometimes a child. And my present is a house! And ice cream cake. Since we are moving soon I told my husband I wanted ice cream cake for a present. Have some ice cream cake for me.