Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Category Archives: fear

Enough, I am enough, you are enough. We can stop.

I’ve gotten myself into this frenzy of saving people from “wrong” choices.

It started with Yahoo Answers and it escalated to several Facebook groups.

People post something like

“My 18 month old is biting. Spanking and time outs aren’t working.”

And then I get annoyed, because spanking and time outs aren’t teaching tools. And I get anxiety about this person getting MY RIGHT answer and taking my advice.

I am making myself insane.

Also, I’ve taken to really being annoyed about the lack of tolerance shown by so many people in my personal non-writer Facebook. “God wants you to say Merry Christmas” and “Saying Happy Holidays is turning your back on Jesus.”

Tis the season for intolerance.

So, here is my plan. Block Yahoo Answers. Leave these crazy mom communities which seem so often to thrive on drama and infighting and the whole “mommy wars” thing and regain the energy I’m losing toward worrying about things that are not in my control. I will give up my good fight to someone else who has more energy and time than me.

What things are you losing energy to? Could you let go of some of those things and regain that energy?



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On a list of things we aren’t supposed to discuss, sex is pretty high up there.

Usually we have the idea that the Puritans were against sex, as were they against sex in the Victorian Ages.

Turns out both cultures were into sex. I’ll link to the article about it, but I found other evidence if you google “Puritans and sex” you can find out yourself. Basically, Victorians liked their porn and Puritans were all for sex between married couples and Jesus. And even then they didn’t stick to the rules. There was a lot of impromptu weddings because someone got knocked up.

A lot of people do have a lot of issues surrounding sex.

For a lot of people, sex is related to power.

Long standing is the “joke” of women withholding sex to get what they want from a man. Men are supposed to want sex all the time and always be thinking about it. Women aren’t supposed to want sex, sometimes even enjoy it.

Abuse and rape is all about power. The abuser has power over the victim. Part of becoming a survivor is reclaiming that stolen power.

I digress.

Sex is also a tender subject between partners. What if your partner thinks you are weird? What if they laugh? What if they reject you? What if your partner wants to fulfill your every fantasy?

Do you have hang-ups around talking about sex? Any reasons why you’d like to disclose?

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The #Row80 Check in that wasn’t

I will be writing in the quiet moments of life the rest of this week, but I hope that much of it will be spent with family.

“The driver was pronounced dead at the scene. The name is being with held pending family notification.”

I’ve read that on many news articles. I’ve never been on the receiving end. I, truthfully, wasn’t this time, but it was my cousin on that page, a sweet strawberry-blonde teen, just starting out, so full of life and joy.

Now, there is a hole where her joy used to be. Where I’d look forward to seeing her at family events. I will still look for her, remember her, but she won’t respond to my please.

She will rest in peace, I believe. But those who knew and loved her will always hurt from the loss.

I know I will always wonder why, even though I know there is no answer coming for my questions.

I wonder what was lost with her. What were her secrets that she never told? What were her experiences with life? With love? What did she long to let someone know? What were her secret dreams?

Everything goes in a circle. I hear the news, I wonder why and I cry. And I wish there were a way to get her back.

Eventually the sadness subsides as I realize there is no why, or no answer to my question. So I get quiet and numb and I distract myself. But the news comes around again from an outer or inner reminder.

I know it won’t always feel so raw. I wish there were more I could do for those who are hurting much more than I am. I wish I could take some of their pain.

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What if Wednesday: Fear

What if you let go of your fear?

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling by's on Flickr

What would it feel like?

What does your fear want?

What does your fear need to leave you alone?

What if you stopped trying to make fear go away and just accepted it?

What if you treated your fear like a frightened 2-year-old? Or 5-year-old? 

What if you refuted all your fears arguments?

What if you turned your fear into joy?
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