Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.
Category Archives: Sex
the internet is for porn.
Old but still FUNNY AS HELL. You were warned!
The only bad things is that that’s now in my youtube history where my son spends far too much time, so now I have to go spend some time watching safe videos so this doesn’t show up tomorrow.
This is the culmination of a few things. First, my latest
crush obsession with Eddie Redmayne . Second, trying to figure out my next novel, which I’ve started and crashed about three different times. Third, subsequent daydreaming linked to said crush and writing attempts. Fourth, (I keep adding on) my best friend is in the middle of falling in love. She and her boyfriend as just disgustingly cute about it all!! And last, a post by fellow WANA classmate/friend Kristy K. James, Why Can’t Life be Like a A Love Song?
I was having a lovely daydream the other day about a life different from my own. A life where the mundane things weren’t so mundane, where I was just excited about things and my partner.
And then I started thinking about my husband. I don’t want a new partner. I want him, we have future plans together, which is going to be legendary. But, in the meanwhile, we have to live day to day life and it can get boring and we get entrenched in the exhaustion of two kids, jobs, bills, and the constant threat of clutter taking over our lives. (My husband is perfect for me. I’m keeping him).
But the mundane crap is really a drag.
So it hit me. Why not feel excited about the mundane things? Why not do things for him and be happy I’m making him happy, instead of feeling a bit resentful? Why not be more present with him and with our kids? Why not feel more sexy? Why not put on a bit of an effort for him? Why not feel excited when I see him?
Some people might consider it fake or false to force excitement. You can call it fake it til you make it. I don’t think it is false. After a decade, I can’t expect to feel spontaneous excitement and flooding in my lady bits when he walks in the room like when we were first together. Doesn’t mean it would be false to dwell on it and get excited about him.
A lot of people had the wrong idea about how love should feel. I know I had wrong ideas.
I thought for ages it be as Kristy K James says:
Am I way off base here, or are the feelings expressed in this song the samefeelings that most every adult in the world wants to feel? The newness of love? The uncertainty? The hope? The knowledge that this is the one?
Maybe it’s not the wrong idea of how we should feel, but the idea that we should feel that day in and day out without putting out any effort ourselves.
So, bring up the excitement in your life with what you have. Put out an effort to make the people around you feel the way you want to feel, don’t wait for them to make you happy.
I am putting it off. I am waiting for the moment to be right. I am waiting for me to stop being scared. I am waiting for permission. I am waiting for my muse. I am waiting for a good night’s sleep and a day where my son isn’t whiny.
I am waiting to start my next novel.
I’ve got the basic pre-plan on file. And then i just write, but I haven’t started.
I think because I am not excited about this one yet. I want to write it, the hero needs a chance to redeem himself. And yet, I want to write about sexy encounters on the beach with men with freckles who kiss like a fantasy.
I want to write about heroines who think they might like to be literally tied down. And spanked for fun. Heroines who appreciate dominate men who have strict rules about behavior and decorum. And dress. And sex. Of limits tested and stretched further than you thought you could go.
I want to write about falling for the wrong person at the right time, or the right person at the wrong time. I want to write about taboo seductions and clandestine relationships that walk the fine line of hot and just plain wrong. (Nothing illegal this has been something I’ve wanted to write for years).
I want kisses and bodies brushing together, moaning and panting breath that meet between two bodies, mouths that suck and tease, fingers that caress and stroke and orgasms for everyone. And people who roll over and say “I love you” even though they’ve only been dating for five days.
I want love at first sight and happily every afters forever more.
Maybe I should write those things instead. I think the muse and I will be much happier. I will come back to the hockey later. I’m still mad at the hero for his past.
So I’m nearly done the first book of the Fifty Shades Trilogy.
I like the story. The base story, is good. Boy meets girl, boy likes to tie girl up, girl resists her own sexuality and enjoyment. Some of the discussions after a “scene” are great. Ana’s confusion over her feelings regarding being spanked for the first time. She enjoyed it, but that confuses her. Christian encourages her to enjoy it and just try to sit with her feelings. All good stuff.
Ana annoys the living shit out of me. Her inner goddess and subconscious talk to her so much, I’d swear she has multiple personalities. Her inner goddess is a crazy bitch, by the way, doing the meringue with salsa steps and then a cheer leading outfit with pom poms. And her subconscious is a judgemental bitch. Calling her a ho and a hooker for accepting a car, a computer and clothing. It’s distracting me.
If Christian talks one more time about her biting her lip, I might delete the book. WTF? I know he’s some kink master of the business world, but seriously, how hot can it be? Why does it have to come up every five pages? The book is very repetitive. The lips, his mercurial moods, her worrying about how Christian might react to her speaking with a male. I know it’s supposed to make him look extremely possessive, but he just looks like an ass. No one wants to be with an insecure partner like that. I know, I’ve been that insecure. You just wind up making your partner really unhappy and ultimatly yourself. Maybe this is why none of the fifteen have stuck around?
And I dunno, how does he have this much free time on his hands if he has that much money? Doesn’t he have like a hundred companies to oversee? Shouldn’t he spend a little more time at that? I know CEOs make an obsecne amount of money, but I think they also read an obscene amount of reports and tell lots of people what to do. Instead he flies on a whim to see Ana while she is visiting her mother (which she asked him not to do, ass) and then buys the company she works for.
The sex is so-so. The build up is sad. Heat and/or dampness grows in her belly or down there, which I take to mean her knees.
The other thing I don’t get is why Christian doesn’t warm her up to S&M. She’s a virgin, never dated anyone and certainly never been tied up and spanked. He’s a really crappy Dom if he thinks the best way to secure her is to go full out crazy S&M on her ass (literally). Introduce her slowly to the ideas and the rules, and then once she knows what is going on THEN give her the contract. Not hand her the contract, a laptop and say “research this online”. The Internet is full of crappy advice and half-truth and a lot of opinion.
Story good. BDSM has it’s moments and I like the idea. Characters; annoying as hell. Which stands to reason, they were based on Bella and Edward, who annoyed me as well. For the most part, it does not live up to the hype.
Are you or have you read 50 Shades of Grey? What did you like? What did you dislike? What did you love? Did it turn you into a blushing, damp eighteen year old?
On a list of things we aren’t supposed to discuss, sex is pretty high up there.
Usually we have the idea that the Puritans were against sex, as were they against sex in the Victorian Ages.
Turns out both cultures were into sex. I’ll link to the cracked.com article about it, but I found other evidence if you google “Puritans and sex” you can find out yourself. Basically, Victorians liked their porn and Puritans were all for sex between married couples and Jesus. And even then they didn’t stick to the rules. There was a lot of impromptu weddings because someone got knocked up.
A lot of people do have a lot of issues surrounding sex.
For a lot of people, sex is related to power.
Long standing is the “joke” of women withholding sex to get what they want from a man. Men are supposed to want sex all the time and always be thinking about it. Women aren’t supposed to want sex, sometimes even enjoy it.
Abuse and rape is all about power. The abuser has power over the victim. Part of becoming a survivor is reclaiming that stolen power.
Sex is also a tender subject between partners. What if your partner thinks you are weird? What if they laugh? What if they reject you? What if your partner wants to fulfill your every fantasy?
Do you have hang-ups around talking about sex? Any reasons why you’d like to disclose?