Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Category Archives: letting go

Enough, I am enough, you are enough. We can stop.

I’ve gotten myself into this frenzy of saving people from “wrong” choices.

It started with Yahoo Answers and it escalated to several Facebook groups.

People post something like

“My 18 month old is biting. Spanking and time outs aren’t working.”

And then I get annoyed, because spanking and time outs aren’t teaching tools. And I get anxiety about this person getting MY RIGHT answer and taking my advice.

I am making myself insane.

Also, I’ve taken to really being annoyed about the lack of tolerance shown by so many people in my personal non-writer Facebook. “God wants you to say Merry Christmas” and “Saying Happy Holidays is turning your back on Jesus.”

Tis the season for intolerance.

So, here is my plan. Block Yahoo Answers. Leave these crazy mom communities which seem so often to thrive on drama and infighting and the whole “mommy wars” thing and regain the energy I’m losing toward worrying about things that are not in my control. I will give up my good fight to someone else who has more energy and time than me.

What things are you losing energy to? Could you let go of some of those things and regain that energy?



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Take a breath

Sit up straight, align your head with your body and take a few deep breaths. You probably need to, I know I do.

Roll your head around a few times (skip looking up to the ceiling if you are worried about that issue). If you can stand up and touch your goes, so a bit of movement and stretching.

Take a few minutes to wake up your body, stretching, get a drink of water. Look out a window, connect with someone. Enjoy the rest of your day.

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What if’s and writing

I was thinking about What Ifs and writing from last week.

Writing is about examining the what ifs. We see a situation and add a what if … spin and come up with an original idea.

Or we find a character we love and throw her into a situation and ask what does she need to grow and change, and what force would be the one to force her outside her comfort zone.

I read once that Tori Amos wrote “Jackie’s Strength” to examine her fears about getting married and what it would be like if she just disappeared.

It’s part of why I wrote Colors of the Rain. I once went to visit a boy who I thought was the love of my life.  He turned out to be terrified once he had gotten what he wanted, me to love him and sleep with him, and I spent two weeks in hell with him. I imagined while I was wandering around some town in South Dakota, can’t recall the name, anyway, I imagined just disappearing. What would it be like? And that question haunted me for years. Until I wrote that story, then it went away.

What ideas do you have that you’d like to explore? Would you, could you explore them through writing, through photography or another form of art?

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Wanna live longer?

I was playing with my phone a few days ago, it’s an Android HTC, I think, and I was installing apps. I installed the Kijiji app and the Ikea App. And then the TED talks app.

In case you’ve been under a rock, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. According to Wikipedia, TED conferences started in 1984 in California. They’ve grown and are held all over now. The main events are called TED, but any city can host one called a Tedx. And no one is allowed to be paid to speak at a Tedx conference, and all speeches must be allowed to be free streamed on the TED website.

Since 2006, all TED speeches have been available for free on the

Anyway, I was flipping through the TED app and I came across the title “The Game that will can give you 10 extra years of your life” by Jane McGonigal. Since I love anything that says gaming is good, I clicked watched. While I half watched my 10 year old playing a video game and my husband playing a different game on the computer, we listened to to Ms. McGonigal, a game designer, tell us about her experience with games. She suffered a major head trauma and she didn’t heal as we assume concussions normal heal. About 1 in 3 concussion victims end up with suicide ideation.

Instead of just falling into a depression over the pain, or listening to her brain, Jane decided to make her life into a game. She would “collect power-ups” for doing anything that would heal her brain. And in a couple days of playing the game with her sister, her depression started to lift. She started sharing her game with other people on her blog and people started playing their own game and started telling her about their own amazing transformations.

She started calling the game superbetter, which you can play on the website 

My daughter and I both joined. ‘Cause who doesn’t want 10 extra years of life, and some fun. IF anyone has joined in the past or joins after reading this let me know and we can join up and be allies. :)


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Shades of Enjoyment

So I’m nearly done the first book of the Fifty Shades Trilogy.

I like the story. The base story, is good. Boy meets girl, boy likes to tie girl up, girl resists her own sexuality and enjoyment. Some of the discussions after a “scene” are great. Ana’s confusion over her feelings regarding being spanked for the first time. She enjoyed it, but that confuses her. Christian encourages her to enjoy it and just try to sit with her feelings. All good stuff.

Ana annoys the living shit out of me. Her inner goddess and subconscious talk to her so much, I’d swear she has multiple personalities. Her inner goddess is a crazy bitch, by the way, doing the meringue with salsa steps and then a cheer leading outfit with pom poms. And her subconscious is a judgemental bitch. Calling her a ho and a hooker for accepting a car, a computer and clothing. It’s distracting me.

If Christian talks one more time about her biting her lip, I might delete the book. WTF? I know he’s some kink master of the business world, but seriously, how hot can it be? Why does it have to come up every five pages? The book is very repetitive. The lips, his mercurial moods, her worrying about how Christian might react to her speaking with a male. I know it’s supposed to make him look extremely possessive, but he just looks like an ass. No one wants to be with an insecure partner like that. I know, I’ve been that insecure. You just wind up making your partner really unhappy and ultimatly yourself. Maybe this is why none of the fifteen have stuck around?

And I dunno, how does he have this much free time on his hands if he has that much money? Doesn’t he have like a hundred companies to oversee? Shouldn’t he spend a little more time at that? I know CEOs make an obsecne amount of money, but I think they also read an obscene amount of reports and tell lots of people what to do. Instead he flies on a whim to see Ana while she is visiting her mother (which she asked him not to do, ass) and then buys the company she works for.

The sex is so-so. The build up is sad. Heat and/or dampness grows in her belly or down there, which I take to mean her knees.

The other thing I don’t get is why Christian doesn’t warm her up to S&M. She’s a virgin, never dated anyone  and certainly never been tied up and spanked. He’s a really crappy Dom if he thinks the best way to secure her is to go full out crazy S&M on her ass (literally). Introduce her slowly to the ideas and the rules, and then once she knows what is going on THEN give her the contract. Not hand her the contract, a laptop and say “research this online”. The Internet is full of crappy advice and half-truth and a lot of opinion.

Story good. BDSM has it’s moments and I like the idea. Characters; annoying as hell. Which stands to reason, they were based on Bella and Edward, who annoyed me as well. For the most part, it does not live up to the hype.

Are you or have you read 50 Shades of Grey? What did you like? What did you dislike? What did you love? Did it turn you into a blushing, damp eighteen year old?

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Open Spaces

We were clearing out some of our clutter (and putting it into storage) to make our house look bigger while we sell it. And I felt really uncomfortable in the first few days that a lot of things were gone.

There was too much space.

I think we hold onto our clutter because we feel safe with stuff around us. Whether it’s an instinct from caveperson days where open spaces meant vulnerability to attack or what, but most people are afraid of open space.

We do the same with our thoughts. We have a fear of just being with our thoughts. (I know I do).

We fill our lives with television, video games, and being constantly connected to e-mail and social networking. I am addicted to Yahoo Answers, I get satisfaction in getting best answer and knowing that I was right above all the other answerers.

When faced with the unknown we fill the space with anxiety. We try to guess and second guess the possibilities that might fill that void. We try to solve problems that haven’t even occurred and probably won’t occur. We recall what we’ve been through before that might be the same.

I think when we allow the unknown to occur, that often wonderful things can occur. Better things than we dreamed might occur.

I made a desktop background that says “I am leaving open spaces for wonderful things to occur”. There is a heart logo in the corner and white space in the middle. I look at it and open my heart and wait for the unknown to join me.

Or at least I’m trying to.

And a day after I wrote this Justine Musk linked to Johnathan Fields saying:

Great work, brilliant ideas, extraordinary art requires space.

Read the rest here.