Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Category Archives: anxiety

Enough, I am enough, you are enough. We can stop.

I’ve gotten myself into this frenzy of saving people from “wrong” choices.

It started with Yahoo Answers and it escalated to several Facebook groups.

People post something like

“My 18 month old is biting. Spanking and time outs aren’t working.”

And then I get annoyed, because spanking and time outs aren’t teaching tools. And I get anxiety about this person getting MY RIGHT answer and taking my advice.

I am making myself insane.

Also, I’ve taken to really being annoyed about the lack of tolerance shown by so many people in my personal non-writer Facebook. “God wants you to say Merry Christmas” and “Saying Happy Holidays is turning your back on Jesus.”

Tis the season for intolerance.

So, here is my plan. Block Yahoo Answers. Leave these crazy mom communities which seem so often to thrive on drama and infighting and the whole “mommy wars” thing and regain the energy I’m losing toward worrying about things that are not in my control. I will give up my good fight to someone else who has more energy and time than me.

What things are you losing energy to? Could you let go of some of those things and regain that energy?

 

 

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All the what ifs in the world

My WIP is a big What If … book. I have a thing for “soul mates” who have been separated by time and their own misconceptions (see: Second Chance Romance) who get back together later.

And then I was surfing Facebook and came across a friend from university (I only attended one year and then dropped out) who I had a huge crush on but he was dating someone else and I sorta dated his friend (this was part of why I dropped out). And I think, I think, he liked me as well, but y’know it was what it was, and we never got together.

My mind was wandering like, what if we had dated. Not in a, I wish it were so, kind of way, but in a, what might have happened differently.

Possibly the same things that actually did happen, because I had a lot of issues that I didn’t deal well with. We might have ended in just as a big a train wreck and I would have dropped out and moved home anyway.

Do you ever indulge in the “What if ….” thinking/daydreaming?

 

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Wanna live longer?

I was playing with my phone a few days ago, it’s an Android HTC, I think, and I was installing apps. I installed the Kijiji app and the Ikea App. And then the TED talks app.

In case you’ve been under a rock, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. According to Wikipedia, TED conferences started in 1984 in California. They’ve grown and are held all over now. The main events are called TED, but any city can host one called a Tedx. And no one is allowed to be paid to speak at a Tedx conference, and all speeches must be allowed to be free streamed on the TED website.

Since 2006, all TED speeches have been available for free on the http://www.ted.com.

Anyway, I was flipping through the TED app and I came across the title “The Game that will can give you 10 extra years of your life” by Jane McGonigal. Since I love anything that says gaming is good, I clicked watched. While I half watched my 10 year old playing a video game and my husband playing a different game on the computer, we listened to to Ms. McGonigal, a game designer, tell us about her experience with games. She suffered a major head trauma and she didn’t heal as we assume concussions normal heal. About 1 in 3 concussion victims end up with suicide ideation.

Instead of just falling into a depression over the pain, or listening to her brain, Jane decided to make her life into a game. She would “collect power-ups” for doing anything that would heal her brain. And in a couple days of playing the game with her sister, her depression started to lift. She started sharing her game with other people on her blog and people started playing their own game and started telling her about their own amazing transformations.

She started calling the game superbetter, which you can play on the website http://www.superbetter.com 

My daughter and I both joined. ‘Cause who doesn’t want 10 extra years of life, and some fun. IF anyone has joined in the past or joins after reading this let me know and we can join up and be allies. :)

 

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S-E-X

On a list of things we aren’t supposed to discuss, sex is pretty high up there.

Usually we have the idea that the Puritans were against sex, as were they against sex in the Victorian Ages.

Turns out both cultures were into sex. I’ll link to the cracked.com article about it, but I found other evidence if you google “Puritans and sex” you can find out yourself. Basically, Victorians liked their porn and Puritans were all for sex between married couples and Jesus. And even then they didn’t stick to the rules. There was a lot of impromptu weddings because someone got knocked up.

A lot of people do have a lot of issues surrounding sex.

For a lot of people, sex is related to power.

Long standing is the “joke” of women withholding sex to get what they want from a man. Men are supposed to want sex all the time and always be thinking about it. Women aren’t supposed to want sex, sometimes even enjoy it.

Abuse and rape is all about power. The abuser has power over the victim. Part of becoming a survivor is reclaiming that stolen power.

I digress.

Sex is also a tender subject between partners. What if your partner thinks you are weird? What if they laugh? What if they reject you? What if your partner wants to fulfill your every fantasy?

Do you have hang-ups around talking about sex? Any reasons why you’d like to disclose?

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Judging is easy

I wanted to write a series of posts about parenting and my views. I’m a pro-attachment parent or maybe better to say responsive parent, we don’t do cry it out and we co-sleep (still) and breastfeed and my baby was rarely set down because he hated being on his back and he wouldn’t sleep without me for five months. And lots of things. And I’m very strongly against spanking.

And I wanted to write this post, and it was kind of a “why you are a horrible person if you spank” type post. Which is an opinion. and I feel that my opinion is the right one and shaming people who don’t agree is okay.

Then I was reading my RSS feed and someone wrote a scathing post about people living on the welfare system and they labelled three illnesses or disease that could be faked so that someone could use the welfare system. Bipolar, multiple sclerosis and fibromyalgia.

And it really pissed me off, because I know people with these conditions. They don’t want to have them, and they have no choice but to rely on assistance of others, whether government or a partner.

I wrote a really nasty reply and then as I read it over, I deleted it and said “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

It is easy to make judgments of others. And I will sometimes readily admit to judging people who make choices I believe are wrong.

There’s that meme on Facebook that makes me want to gouge my eyes out, but it’s true here.

he Girl you just called fat? She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs. The Boy you called stupid, he has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night. The Girl you called ugly? She spends hours putting make-up on hoping people will like her. The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There’s a lot more to people then you think.

Making fun of or judging any group of people is not nice, it’s not funny and it’s generally just passive-aggressive or in my blog example above, just plain mean. Unless the person is  your close friend, we generally don’t know the true story behind anyone’s life.

And we wonder why bullying is such a problem in school, when so many adults are still doing it!!

What examples do you have of bullying in your life? Do you find yourself in judgement of others? What can we do to bring this to more people’s attention?

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What if Wednesday: Fear

What if you let go of your fear?

Dangerous Risk Adrenaline Suicide by Fear of Falling by epSos.de's on Flickr

What would it feel like?

What does your fear want?

What does your fear need to leave you alone?

What if you stopped trying to make fear go away and just accepted it?

What if you treated your fear like a frightened 2-year-old? Or 5-year-old? 

What if you refuted all your fears arguments?

What if you turned your fear into joy?
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Why is it so hard?

Her hands shook as she looked into familiar eyes. Her eyes darted to soft, red lips. She knew they were soft, she had touched them many times. She recalled their softness now, wanting to touch, anything to distract her.
But the lips started moving anyway. “I love you.” The voice sounded far away.
She closed her eyes and took a breath. When her lids fluttered open, the same eyes still stared at her.
She shook her head. She couldn’t believe those words. She didn’t know why it was so hard to believe them.
The voice spoke softer this time. “I love you.”
She felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She tried to push them back, but one escaped, leaving a trail of wet on her cheek.
She turned away from the eyes. She fled the room at a moderate pace.
Why was it so hard to say she loved herself?

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