Asrai Devin- the Maven of Mischief

Putting the fun back in dysfunctional.

Category Archives: emotions

Enough, I am enough, you are enough. We can stop.

I’ve gotten myself into this frenzy of saving people from “wrong” choices.

It started with Yahoo Answers and it escalated to several Facebook groups.

People post something like

“My 18 month old is biting. Spanking and time outs aren’t working.”

And then I get annoyed, because spanking and time outs aren’t teaching tools. And I get anxiety about this person getting MY RIGHT answer and taking my advice.

I am making myself insane.

Also, I’ve taken to really being annoyed about the lack of tolerance shown by so many people in my personal non-writer Facebook. “God wants you to say Merry Christmas” and “Saying Happy Holidays is turning your back on Jesus.”

Tis the season for intolerance.

So, here is my plan. Block Yahoo Answers. Leave these crazy mom communities which seem so often to thrive on drama and infighting and the whole “mommy wars” thing and regain the energy I’m losing toward worrying about things that are not in my control. I will give up my good fight to someone else who has more energy and time than me.

What things are you losing energy to? Could you let go of some of those things and regain that energy?

 

 

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Tips for dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder

1. Get outside during the day. It’s pretty basic, but we get busy and it’s cold, we just don’t get out in the sunlight. I looked at the sunrise and sunset for today (12/12/12) it was 8:36 sunrise and 4:01 sunset!! That’s seven and a half hours of sunlight. And if it’s cloudy, it’s even worse.

2. Move your body. For me this is the key, since getting outside with a toddler when it’s -30 C just isn’t feasible. If I do a bit of movement every other day, this keeps me saner.

3. Supplements. There are a number of supplements, vitamins and minerals you can take to help. Of course, check with a health care
professional before you start anything. This is just what works for me and some others.

  • Vitamin D. This is the vitamin we get from the sun, so when you aren’t getting sun, you aren’t getting this important vitamin. I take a couple thousand some days, usually not even that much. the RDI is 400 IU for children and 600 IU for adults. Upper limits for Vitamin D are 1000 for children and 4,000 IU for adults. http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/nutrition/vitamin/vita-d-eng.php
  • Magnesium. This is often taken in conjunction with calcium and vitamin D, as you need all three for teeth and bones (and possible vitamin k). But you can take it on it’s own. Some claim that it’s necessary to take it on it’s own and that a lot of common ailments are a lack of magnesium. I haven’t tried it yet, but it’s on my radar. Miracle of Magnesium.
  • Omega-3’s. Fatty acids are important for the brain, because your brain is made up of fat. The best way to get your Omega-3s is to eat fish. I take a supplement. Asrai no likey fish.
  • 5-HTP. This is a funny one for me. It’s a precursor to serotonin  5-HTP is made from tryptophan, which is the part of turkey that makes people sleepy, in the body. But a bad batch of tryptophan in 1989 got it banned by the FDA in the US, and 5-HTP took it’s place. Reference: http://www.wellnessletter.com/ucberkeley/dietary-supplements/5-htp/ The supplement is supposed to help with sleep. I take it and I’m wired, up to all hours. I take mine in the morning to combat this.
  • L-Phenylalanine. An amnion acid, it helps your body make L-Tyrosine which in turn makes dopamine and norepinephrine. I take this in the morning as well, and sometimes during the day on a empty stomach for an extra boost. You don’t want to take it too close to bedtime.
  • L-Tryosine. This works the same as L-Phenylalanine but faster. I get a pretty quick boost in energy when I take it. The bottle I have says for short term use in physically stressful situations, so I save it for days I know I’m tired or if I have a lot to do.
  • B-complex. B vitamins are a good energy booster as well, so you have to make sure you don’t take it too close to bedtime. As well, an excess is eliminated in your urine, so your pee will be super yellow.
  • GABA is another amino acid for anxiety. I’m finding my moods are managed under 5-HTP and L-phen, so I haven’t taken any GABA myself. But it’s also on my radar.

4. Consider an anti-depressant. I learned about these supplements in the book “The Female Brain Gone Insane” which was an interesting read. The author, Mia Lundin, is a registered nurse and a nurse practitioner,  says that anti-depressants don’t help your body make new serotonin they just recycle what’s there.

Last anti-depressant I took, I was literally vibrating at the lowest dose and a very short time taking them. My husband told me I had to
stop.

5. If you are on hormonal birth control, consider making a switch. This is personal, the Pill and the shot, make me depressed. I was on
the shot for a couple years before it started affecting me. But after that even two weeks on The Pill would affect me. This is no
longer a consideration since I got a tubal litigation.

6. Tan. My sister in law says tanning helps her mood. I don’t have the time, money or desire to tan (hello skin cancer). If I had that kind of money, I’d buy the SAD lamp.

7. Get a SAD lamp. Sometimes if your doctor gives you a prescription, your insurance will pay for some or all.

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Things I dislike: names dropping in music

I noticed this phenomena the other day. Not name dropping other artissts, but name dropping the person singing. It’s mostly in duets, but the occasional artist will name themselves (or Jagger).

Examples:

Shakira and Beyonce in Beautiful Liar. (I like the song)

Justin Beiver and Nicki Minaj in Beauty and the Beat (also Nicki Minaj in Super Bass).

J-Lo ft. Pitbull in Get on The Floor.

I found a whole list of songs who reference OTHER bands/artists etal. You can read that list here: http://www.songfacts.com/category-songs_that_mention_other_musicians_in_the_lyrics.php

I think it’s just such a weird trend. Every time it happens I think “well no one is ever going to remake that song”. And then I realize that hopefully, none of these songs that I’m listening to are going to be considered decent listening in 10 years. I’m still coming to terms with 90’s music being called “classic”. I am not that old for my music to be CLASSIC Rock already. no no no.

Any music trends that bug you? Or that you like?

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All the what ifs in the world

My WIP is a big What If … book. I have a thing for “soul mates” who have been separated by time and their own misconceptions (see: Second Chance Romance) who get back together later.

And then I was surfing Facebook and came across a friend from university (I only attended one year and then dropped out) who I had a huge crush on but he was dating someone else and I sorta dated his friend (this was part of why I dropped out). And I think, I think, he liked me as well, but y’know it was what it was, and we never got together.

My mind was wandering like, what if we had dated. Not in a, I wish it were so, kind of way, but in a, what might have happened differently.

Possibly the same things that actually did happen, because I had a lot of issues that I didn’t deal well with. We might have ended in just as a big a train wreck and I would have dropped out and moved home anyway.

Do you ever indulge in the “What if ….” thinking/daydreaming?

 

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Wanna live longer?

I was playing with my phone a few days ago, it’s an Android HTC, I think, and I was installing apps. I installed the Kijiji app and the Ikea App. And then the TED talks app.

In case you’ve been under a rock, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design. According to Wikipedia, TED conferences started in 1984 in California. They’ve grown and are held all over now. The main events are called TED, but any city can host one called a Tedx. And no one is allowed to be paid to speak at a Tedx conference, and all speeches must be allowed to be free streamed on the TED website.

Since 2006, all TED speeches have been available for free on the http://www.ted.com.

Anyway, I was flipping through the TED app and I came across the title “The Game that will can give you 10 extra years of your life” by Jane McGonigal. Since I love anything that says gaming is good, I clicked watched. While I half watched my 10 year old playing a video game and my husband playing a different game on the computer, we listened to to Ms. McGonigal, a game designer, tell us about her experience with games. She suffered a major head trauma and she didn’t heal as we assume concussions normal heal. About 1 in 3 concussion victims end up with suicide ideation.

Instead of just falling into a depression over the pain, or listening to her brain, Jane decided to make her life into a game. She would “collect power-ups” for doing anything that would heal her brain. And in a couple days of playing the game with her sister, her depression started to lift. She started sharing her game with other people on her blog and people started playing their own game and started telling her about their own amazing transformations.

She started calling the game superbetter, which you can play on the website http://www.superbetter.com 

My daughter and I both joined. ‘Cause who doesn’t want 10 extra years of life, and some fun. IF anyone has joined in the past or joins after reading this let me know and we can join up and be allies. :)

 

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Imagining … kisses

I keep imagining …

wearing a garter belt, thigh high stockings

long fingers stroking the soft skin exposed just above the stockings

gentle teasing fingers, touching

soft kisses, long kisses, wet kisses, seeking tongue, nipping teeth, soft lips,

kiss by mikelawrey stock.xchng http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1105969

gentle murmurs with romance “so beautiful”, “so sexy”, “can’t wait to touch, to taste, to see”

beach vacation, warm sands, hot nights, revealing clothing

of love, of lovers, of first times and next times and every time,

of young love, mature love,

uncontrolled lust and falling, falling, falling for you.

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Get excited about your life

This is the culmination of a few things. First, my latest crush obsession with Eddie Redmayne . Second, trying to figure out my next novel, which I’ve started and crashed about three different times. Third, subsequent daydreaming linked to said crush and writing attempts. Fourth, (I keep adding on) my best friend is in the middle of falling in love. She and her boyfriend as just disgustingly cute about it all!! And last, a post by fellow WANA classmate/friend Kristy K. James, Why Can’t Life be Like a A Love Song?

I was having a lovely daydream the other day about a life different from my own. A life where the mundane things weren’t so mundane, where I was just excited about things and my partner.

And then I started thinking about my husband. I don’t want a new partner. I want him, we have future plans together, which is going to be legendary. But, in the meanwhile, we have to live day to day life and it can get boring and we get entrenched in the exhaustion of two kids, jobs, bills, and the constant threat of clutter taking over our lives. (My husband is perfect for me. I’m keeping him).

But the mundane crap is really a drag.

So it hit me. Why not feel excited about the mundane things? Why not do things for him and be happy I’m making him happy, instead of feeling a bit resentful? Why not be more present with him and with our kids? Why not feel more sexy? Why not put on a bit of an effort for him? Why not feel excited when I see him?

Some people might consider it fake or false to force excitement. You can call it fake it til you make it. I don’t think it is false. After a decade, I can’t expect to feel spontaneous excitement and flooding in my lady bits when he walks in the room like when we were first together. Doesn’t mean it would be false to dwell on it and get excited about him.

A lot of people had the wrong idea about how love should feel. I know I had wrong ideas.

I thought for ages it be as Kristy K James says:

Am I way off base here, or are the feelings expressed in this song the samefeelings that most every adult in the world wants to feel? The newness of love? The uncertainty? The hope? The knowledge that this is the one?

Maybe it’s not the wrong idea of how we should feel, but the idea that we should feel that day in and day out without putting out any effort ourselves.

So, bring up the excitement in your life with what you have. Put out an effort to make the people around you feel the way you want to feel, don’t wait for them to make you happy.

 

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What I really want

 

I always think I want to help  people. I want to give them advice and guide them to their right path.

That sounds nice, but what I really want is to tell people what to do and have them listen. Because, I think I know better than other people.

It’s probably not true, but it seems that way when I hang out on Yahoo Answers. I’ve written about it before, I hang out on the newborn board and the Toddler/Preschool Section. Stay away from Pregnancy where every third question is literally “Am I pregnant?” And then the details that follow are either a bunch of vague symptoms or some teen who had sex three days ago and is freaking out because they didn’t use protection, or started taking the pill three days ago or didn’t actually have sex. Every fifth question is asking which of two optional dates/men knocked up the particular asker.

There used to be a person answering under the name “K” who is my favorite person on Yahoo Answers. She just flat out says “you’re an idiot, if you bothered informing yourself you’d know this, this and this.” She’s kind of disappeared again and I feel the need to take her place a little, plus the repetitive questions are wearing.

“My son hits people. We spank, put him in time and throw his toys away as a consequences. He’s getting worse, what should we do?”

Well, smarty pants, hitting your child for hitting is you getting revenge. All punishment only brings attention the wrong he’s done. You don’t teach him what to do next time.  (I could rant on this stuff all, check out http://www.ahaparenting.com for the best advice in this regard).

It’s like you having a job and your boss stands next to you and watches you work. Every hour or so, your boss hits you over the head and says “You’re doing that wrong, go stand in the corner for five minutes.” Your five minutes is up, you return to work, you don’t know what to do since your boss wandered off. But he returns and hits you over the head again and says “you’re doing that wrong, go stand in the corner again.”

You have to teach your child how to express himself. And you have to listen to your child’s needs.

//End of answer

It amazes me how many people believe their children are trying to manipulate them via tantrums and crying.

And the thing I’ve learned most about people via yahoo answers, is that they are not willing to inform themselves. At least a quarter of the questions could be answered by people themselves by learning how to properly use a search engine.

It’s probably better that I can’t see if people take my advice or not. I’d probably jump down their throats if they choose something else. I don’t even check best answer (unless I win the contest and give the best answer).

 

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S-E-X

On a list of things we aren’t supposed to discuss, sex is pretty high up there.

Usually we have the idea that the Puritans were against sex, as were they against sex in the Victorian Ages.

Turns out both cultures were into sex. I’ll link to the cracked.com article about it, but I found other evidence if you google “Puritans and sex” you can find out yourself. Basically, Victorians liked their porn and Puritans were all for sex between married couples and Jesus. And even then they didn’t stick to the rules. There was a lot of impromptu weddings because someone got knocked up.

A lot of people do have a lot of issues surrounding sex.

For a lot of people, sex is related to power.

Long standing is the “joke” of women withholding sex to get what they want from a man. Men are supposed to want sex all the time and always be thinking about it. Women aren’t supposed to want sex, sometimes even enjoy it.

Abuse and rape is all about power. The abuser has power over the victim. Part of becoming a survivor is reclaiming that stolen power.

I digress.

Sex is also a tender subject between partners. What if your partner thinks you are weird? What if they laugh? What if they reject you? What if your partner wants to fulfill your every fantasy?

Do you have hang-ups around talking about sex? Any reasons why you’d like to disclose?

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Social media is not for marketing

We see this all over the media and on blogs.

Social Media does not help you sell things.

And I’m kinda like DUH!

Social media is for interacting. For making friends, having conversations, getting feedback, responding to feedback, CONNECTING.

It is not passive. People are not sitting around waiting to be told what they want on social media. They are engaged.

It is not for marketing. Not for small marketing. People who have an established brand like Kim Kardashian or whatever, they can use twitter to sell. For the small and medium sized peeps: very little chance.

You are not going to sell to thousands. Social media moves too fast for that. It’s like a bunch of ADHD people on speed.

If I don’t know you, I really don’t care what you have to say. That’s why spammers don’t get anywhere. I don’t want to read your blog, I don’t want to read your novel, I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

I have a core group of friends on twitter and around the blogs I connect with on a regular basis. I talk to people about Dragon Age and other video games. I have a group of writers. I have my editor on there and I tweet how happy I am with her edits. I realized a few weeks ago a good friend went MIA and I am sad and a bit worried as he had a bit of depression (going to send him off an email). I have far too many hashtag searches.

And I do get tweets from fans. (Okay the best thing about this whole writing gig is I get to say I have fans. Me. Who woulda thunk it?) I get to thank them for reading, talk about characters, and let them know when a new book should be heading their way.

If I wanted a quick way to market, I’d buy an advertisement on Facebook. But I’m not in a hurry. I am sticking around and writing more words everyday. And as I sit at home writing in my room late at night while my family sleeps I realize it’s a lonely business and meeting with people on twitter and Facebook fills the social gap.

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